A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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