He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
