It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
