i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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