i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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