I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
