Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
