Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
