just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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