Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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