I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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