SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
