I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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