Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
