He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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