i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
