The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
