So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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