And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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