So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
