Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
