I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
