I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
