Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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