I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
