I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
