I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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