"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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