Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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