Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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