I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
