I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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