Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
