I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize