Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
