I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
