I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
