either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he thought i was a dude.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
