Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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