why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a search helicopter?!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize