I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
