come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
