Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
