yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
