He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
