when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
