someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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