we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
