Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
