Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize