u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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