I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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