cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
