barbara walters just said penis...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
