real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I could make wine with my vomit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
