do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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