Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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