peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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