Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize