well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize