I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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